


Black and Red

by alex4968 (orphan_account)



Category: Twenty One Pilots, joshler - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Mentions of Sex, SO MUCH FLUFF, School, asshole!josh, joshler - Freeform, twenty one pilots - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-19
Updated: 2015-12-19
Packaged: 2018-04-10 04:24:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4377098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/alex4968
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Josh doesn't care about anything, and he never has. That's what he's known for; recklessness and carelessness that make up his life. But now he cares a little too much for someone he shouldn't even have met.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Black and Red

Josh slipped away to the very end of C wing right before the last bell rang. It was something he did regularly, mostly because he didn’t really care much for school, but also because he hated math more than anything else. The classrooms at the end of this wing were usually empty for this hour, since the teachers down here had lunch. But he’d gotten each of their individual schedules memorized considering he’d get in a lot more trouble if he got caught by a teacher in their own room. He was lazy in a lot of things, but when it came to being lazy, he often put a lot of work in.

He went into the furthest back classroom and tossed his bag to the back before following suit and sitting down on one of the desks, feet out stretched and back up against the wall. The lights were out, and it was always just a nice place to go to relax. He’d been doing it since freshman year, at least once a week, and now by mid junior year, he wasn’t anywhere near ready to stop.

He closed his eyes and sighed happily, deciding maybe he would just take a nap this time instead of just playing around on his phone. He would wake up when the bells rang and that would give him more than enough time to get out of here before the teacher walked in.

Once his eyes fell shut, he was mostly asleep before hearing a voice that made his heart drop. Busted. “Hey Mr. Jonson I ha-” His eyes opened and he looked over to the other boy, eyebrows raised and eyes slightly wide. The speed his heart was beating wasn’t normal, Josh didn’t get scared easily.  “Oh, uh sorry.” The boy said and looked almost embarrassed. Josh wasn’t sure what he found cuter, the way the boy carried himself so awkwardly of how he apologized for waking him up. It almost seemed like he actually thought he was the one in the wrong.

“What are you gonna do, tattle on me?” He said in a teasing voice, rolling his eyes. He had never even seen the kid around before, and it wasn’t likely he’d even know his name. And on top of that, he seemed too shy, too soft spoken to be able to actually do something that childish. He looked the other over with a little grin, watching as his face turned red in that moment.

“Uhh, no I just, wanted to drop some papers off.” He walked into the room and the door shut behind him as he took the papers to the desk, setting them down and then turning to leave again. Josh watched him as he did, not saying a word with that grin still playing over his face.

It didn’t last long, though, because when the boy went to open the door, it didn’t budge. He got up from the desk, going closer to see what could possibly be so hard about opening a damn door. “Here, let me do it.” He said and grabbed the handle, twisting it and pulling to no avail. “Did they lock it from the outside? What the hell?” He pulled on it again before groaning. The windows in this school didn’t open, and it seemed like they were trapped in here until someone else came in.

For the other, that probably didn’t bother him at all, but for Josh, it could mean getting into trouble with the school and with his parents. Neither of which sounded like a pleasant thing to him.

“So, I guess we’re stuck in here until next hour.”

“Fuck, this sucks.” Josh said with a groan and went to grab his things again, rummaging through his bag for his phone, but giving up after a minute. Anyone that could come help him was in class anyway. They were stuck.

“So, uh, what’s your name?” The other boy asked after a moment. Having a conversation sounded a lot better than sitting in awkward silence, so he figured he’d answer.

“Josh, yours?”

“Tyler.”

“I haven’t seen you around before, what grade are you in?”

“Oh, I’m a sophomore. I just moved here, that’s probably why you haven’t seen me around.” Tyler smiled softly and looked down to the ground. Josh usually liked to be alone when he wasn’t with someone he knew well, but there was something about Tyler that made him want to know him better.

The hour passed slowly. Josh had turned to rummaging through the teachers desk to find something to entertain himself with but ended up finding nothing. (Although he probably would have if Tyler hadn’t of kept saying he shouldn’t be doing that). All he’d really come across was a few phones that had been taken away, and the one that didn’t have a password he changed the screen saver to a cracked-photo image. He had a dumb sense of humor.

He and Tyler had talked for a while, and he’d figured out that Tyler had moved here from a tiny town called Attica about a week ago. It was surprising to think that someone would move from a tiny town to a huge city.

He’d gone to a catholic school and Josh thought that was so, so appropriate to his life. Of course he’d end up wanting to be friends with this goody-goody pretty boy.

His life was a fucking cliche.

*

When the door opened, it was a few moments before the bell rang and Josh’s eyes shot up immediately. “Oh, hello Tyler.” It was a teacher, fuck. “And I don’t think I know you.” He said to Josh.

“Oh uh, he was helping me with some history work before I turned it in and the door got stuck, so we were stuck in here. I thought you were going to be in here, sorry.” Tyler said quickly and Josh grinned again. He’d covered for him, and he couldn’t help but wonder why he’d done that. They’d only met an hour ago.

“Oh, yes they just installed new locks on the doors because kids were sneaking in and stealing things. I’m sorry you got stuck, if it happened again just buzz up to the main office and someone will come let you out, alright? You two should get off to class.” The man said with a smile and moved over to his desk. The drawer was still slightly open and with a little more panic, Josh grabbed his things and hurried out, waiting for Tyler.

“Why did you cover for me like that?”

“I don’t know, just felt like the right thing to do, I guess.” He could see the little blush on the boy’s cheeks, despite the fact that he turned away slightly to try and hide it. Josh decided then that he wanted to see more of this boy, and maybe he could help him make a few friends in the process.

“Hey, give me your phone.” And Tyler looked at him with a confused look for a second before reaching in his pocket and handing him the little flip phone. He laughed slightly before putting his name into his contacts and sending a quick text to himself to get his number too. It was a lot less work that way, he’d figured out a few months earlier.

“Did you just put your number in my phone?” Tyler asked with a smile.

“Mhm, I texted myself so I have your number too. This is my next class, so I’ll text you again alright?”

“That sounds nice.”

Josh walked into his class, stopping at the door and watching the other boy walk away until he turned around and blushed when he saw him still watching. That was what he’d aimed for.

*

As expected Tyler hadn’t texted him back in class. He didn’t seem like the kind of person to text back during school. Josh had been bored through out the last few classes, as usual, but barely a few minutes after the last bell rang his phone buzzed and he got a hi :) from Tyler. He smiled again, thinking about what to say to him. He over thought his texting a lot. Sounding too enthusiastic could end up with him getting embarrassed, and sounding too bored could end up in Tyler not responding.

It was a lot harder to text someone he didn’t know very well than he thought it should have been.

So you don’t text in class yet haha? He decided to say, just because he liked to tease. It was just something that he always did.

No, I’m too scared of getting my phone taken. My parents would kill me :o

Josh liked talking to Tyler. They’d ended up texting until late, when Tyler said he had to go to bed. They’d talked a lot about music, hobbies, life, and Josh thought Tyler sounded almost exactly the opposite of him. He’d never been to a party (so he invited him to one which he never got a response to) and had never really done anything remotely bad. It made Josh’s head spin. It was a weird thing to want to do, but he really wanted to corrupt the good boy.

***

When Josh opened his eyes the next morning, the least appealing idea was getting out of bed. He glanced over to the clock and sighed at the time. His alarms hadn’t gone off and he’d slept in. It was a fairly normal occurrence on the days that his mom worked and wasn’t there to bother him until he got out of bed, but for some reason he didn’t just roll over and go back to sleep today.

The drive from his house to the school was about twenty minutes with traffic, so whenever he slept in, he didn’t much like to go when he knew he’d have to do it again within the next few hours. It was just past ten, so the idea of going to school wasn’t the most appealing thing.

But he still did it.

He grabbed his phone off the dresser right before heading downstairs and getting something to eat, just getting a ‘Good morning!’ text from Tyler that had been sent at 6:15 am. It took a moment to process, eyes still fuzzy with sleep, but when he did he couldn’t help but roll his eyes and sigh softly. This boy seemed to be always happy, and it was actually just nice. Having happy people around him had almost always been able to make him happier in a way too. It was a good change.

By the time he got to school, it was passing period for the class before lunch and he made his way into the office, telling them he overslept and getting an eyeroll from the receptionist. “Of course you did. You know, you only have one more tardy until you’re suspended, right Mr. Dun?” He really wasn’t in the mood for that talk.

“Why don’t you do your job and let the deans handle their jobs of telling me when I get suspended?” He usually wasn’t sassy, normally he would just walk away, but something about this morning made him want to just say fuck off to everyone, except maybe Tyler. He walked out of the office as soon as he said that, making his way down the hall to get to his next class.

“Josh!” Tyler said with a smile when he saw him. He smiled slightly then, because that made him feel a little better. “Did you just get here?”

“Yeah, I slept in a little bit.” He said with a little shrug.

“A little bit?” Tyler laughed at him and that caught Josh’s interest. Yesterday the boy had only looked him in the eyes once and now he was laughing. He liked it. “It’s almost twelve.” Josh laughed too, then because it was true. For most people sleeping in was maybe eight or nine.

“Okay, okay so I overslept a lot.” He smiled. “And you’re right, it is almost noon, do you wanna go off campus with me for lunch?”

“Uh- yeah sure that sounds nice.” The warning bell rang and Tyler’s eyes got wider. What a goody. “I gotta go-”

“See you in an hour.” Josh winked and Tyler blushed again. He started to wonder how much he could make the boy blush just because it was fun.

**

At lunch, Josh watched Tyler stare out the window for a while, looking like he was lost in thought. He watched him for a moment, just grinning so slightly again before he asked, “Hey, you okay?” And Tyler smiled and looked at him.

“Yeah, yeah sorry. I just kinda zone out like that sometimes.” Josh could usually tell when someone didn’t want a topic to be pushed, so he just nodded. Tyler seemed like the kind that spent a lot of time in his head.

“How was your first week of school?” He asked and tossed a french fry into his mouth. He’d decided to go to the restaurant down the road from the school. Mostly because he knew Tyler would be angry with him if they were late back.

“It was nice, just still settling in you know?” He never did make direct eye contact for more than a moment when he spoke.

“Yeah, that must be miserable.” He laughed, sighing softly. “You wanna come to a party tonight? Maybe you can meet a few more people.” He asked (again) because he wanted to spend a little more time with him.

“Uhh, I don’t think my parents would be very happy with me going to a party.”

“You can tell em you’re staying at my house for a study thing?” He thought about it for a moment, biting his lip softly before looking up to Josh and smiling. A study thing would probably be something that Tyler did, right?

“Okay, yeah sure that sounds fun.” Josh wasn’t entirely convinced that he actually wanted to go, but a yes was a yes, and it was an excuse to get to know him better, so he wasn’t going to make him change his mind by any means.

***

When Josh had taken Tyler back to school, they were almost late. The bell had rang just as he got into the parking lot and he ran with Tyler to his class, saying bye before walking off to his. He slumped down into his Algebra Two class and fell asleep very shortly after sitting down. (Falling asleep in class was his forte).

He dreamt of Tyler just smiling, blushing at his teasing. It was a very short dream, but when he woke up to the bell he still felt a slight blush at his own cheeks.

***

Tyler had texted Josh his address very shortly after school ended, and by six PM he was parked outside of his house and knocking on his door. “Oh, hello!” A soft faced woman with blonde hair said with a smile. “You must be Josh. Come in, come in.”

“Thank you.” He said with a smile and walked inside the house. There was another guy sitting on the couch watching TV and he turned and waved, “Hi I’m Zack.”

“I’m Josh.” And after that, Tyler walked down the stairs in different clothes than what he’d been wearing at school and he was smiling. Josh loved Tyler’s smile. He loved how his eyes crinkled up so slightly at the sides and he loved how he glanced down at the ground and he loved how his dimples came out, just slightly, at the edges of his cheeks.

Tyler said goodbye to his mom and Zack before they were out the door. He pretended not to notice the open space in the blinds where Tyler’s mom was watching them walk.

As Josh walked with Tyler back to his car, he watched the way his hands fiddled with the ends of his jacket sleeves. It was most likely a nervous tick, Josh assumed, because he was biting his lips too. When he saw how unsure the other boy looked, he began to wonder why he really invited him to this party. The new kid, who obviously didn’t like people much, was going to a high school party. That didn’t feel like a good idea at all, even to him, and he didn’t often think about things before he did them.

And then it hit him.

He’d probably only said yes because Josh was his only friend so far and he didn’t want to sound rude. Suddenly, Josh felt like he was the biggest asshole on the planet.

He opened the other boy’s door for him, watching him smile as he did and pushed the thoughts away for now. Who knows, maybe he’d be able to have a little fun if they went. Or at least he could hope that they both would.

The first part of the drive was silent. Tyler looked out the window, just like he had at the diner, his face lit up by the street lights lining the road. It was cute how Tyler did that, watched the world around him. Josh couldn’t help but glance over at him as often as he could until he saw that Tyler was chewing on his lip (still nervously) and he let out a breath as a silent sigh. All he could manage to feel at that point was guilt. He hadn’t meant to make Ty so nervous. “You know,” Josh started and grinned ever so slightly when he saw that Tyler jumped at the sound of his voice, “We don’t have to go to this party. We could just go out to eat or to a movie or somethin’.” Tyler’s smile when he said that was more than worth it.  Josh had never been the type to turn down or blow off parties, but he wanted Tyler comfortable more than he cared about free alcohol.

“Are you sure? I don’t wanna ruin your plans.”

“All of those parties are the same anyways.” He grinned slightly and turned his blinker on, switching lanes and turning around without a second thought.

**

It was half an hour into a movie at Josh’s place before he finally made Tyler laugh and broke the ice for them to be able to have a conversation. So far he’d found that Tyler was easy to talk to, very easy actually, but getting him to talk in the first place was the hard part. He always seemed so unsure, so he always seemed to just listen. Josh didn’t mind, of course, but he liked to hear the other talk too.

“So, why’d you switch schools?” Josh asked as he tossed another piece of popcorn in his mouth. Neither of them had paid much attention to the movie that was playing; it had mostly been Josh glancing at Tyler and watching him blush before he grinned.

“Do you really wanna know, or are you just making small talk?”

“I really want to know. C’mon, tell me your story.”

“Uh, I got kicked out. For being gay. I uh- had a boyfriend at the time and we didn’t think anyone was in the locker room with us and kissed. Someone told on us and less than two days later we were both expelled.” Tyler swallowed hard when he spoke, his hands doing the fumbly thing with his jacket sleeves again. Why was he so nervous? Did he think that he was going to think he was bad, too, because of his sexuality?

“That… really, really sucks. I’m sorry. That shouldn’t have happened.” There was a bit of anger inside of him as he listened to the other boy talk. He’d been openly gay since seventh grade and nothing had changed in his life at all. It didn’t seem right - it didn’t seem humane - that someone’s entire life could be turned upside down because of something so small, so simple. But he just let it drop. Afterall, had it not happened, he never could have met Tyler.

“What about you? Have you gone to this school long?” He could tell Tyler was trying to change the subject, so he let it happen.

“Yeah, I was raised here.” He said with a smile.

“So you know your way around?”

“Is that your way of asking me to show you around?” He quirked an eyebrow.

“You just answered my question with a question.”

“Yes, I know my way around. Your turn.” Josh couldn’t help the toothy grin that was over his face by now. He hadn’t had this much fun sober in too long.

“If you’d like to.”

“But would you like me to is the real question.”

“Yes.”

 

It was almost a funny thing, in his mind. The day before he’d had this idea to corrupt this good boy, and now all he wanted to do was spend time with him. The party had initially been a plan, get him a little tipsy and just get him to break a rule, but now… he didn’t even care about that. It was unlike Josh. He was the meet, fuck, and ignore type. He’d never dated before, or at least not seriously. Relationships and feelings and all the gross things that came with it weren’t his thing. But he wasn’t himself when he was around Tyler. He had this urge to be gentle and soft, almost like he wanted to protect Tyler.

He was going to protect him, from now on.

 

 

Days passed where Tyler and Josh wouldn’t talk except short exchanges in the hallway. The only time they saw each other in the halls was during lunch hour, and then Tyler would go left and Josh would stay right. They went different ways and sat in different areas. Josh stayed with his friends and Tyler sat alone. It was a good way to make sense of their personalities, at least. Tyler was very introverted and Josh loved people, he was an extrovert.

They’d text every night, though, and Josh found that he was actually starting to miss this boy. It was Thursday before he broke down and left his table to go sit with Tyler. His friends had laughed and called him a sap, but he didn’t care. Maybe he was a sap, maybe he just wanted to see if he was okay.

He’d invited him to sit with his friends, but he said he preferred to sit alone. He usually did his homework at lunch and the library was closed at lunch, so he just did it there. When he walked over, Tyler was looking down at a paper but it didn’t look achedemic. “No homework?” He asked the boy when he saw that he was just scribbling in a notebook and sat down beside him.

“What?” He asked, looking at him and quirking an eyebrow.

“You said you do homework at lunch.”

“Oh... Right. Yeah no homework.” He said and looked up at the other boy. Josh turned his chair to look at him again, watching as Tyler shoved his notebook into his bag.

“You know, my table can get obnoxious. If you don’t wanna sit with us, I can come sit with you. Sitting alone must get… boring.” What was he doing?

“I don’t want to tear you from your friends.”

“Eh, they’re boring anyway. You’re definitely not boring.” He grinned at the other boy when he saw the blush that was spreading over his cheeks.

**

Maybe Josh was stupid, or maybe he was a little infatuated with this boy. He laid in bed that night, staring at his ceiling and sleep just wouldn’t come. He hadn’t stayed up thinking about a boy ever and it was actually… annoying. Or at least he thought it would be if it was anyone but Tyler. But thinking about his smile and his blush and the way he played with his fingers when he was nervous made it really hard to be annoyed. There was this kind of air around him that just made him so pleasant to be around, and Josh was drawn to it. Tyler wasn’t the kind that thought he was better than everyone else like all of his friends seemed to believe. It was a pleasant change.

It was past midnight before he gave up on sleeping and grabbed his car keys, silently walking out the door and getting in his car. He let it roll out of his driveway and onto the street silently before starting it so his parents wouldn’t wake up to the noise of the car.

Josh: You still want me to show you around town?

It was several minutes before he got a reply from the other boy, and he was almost afraid that he was asleep. It wouldn’t really be surprising. If he was, then maybe he’d just take a long drive and relax for a while. But then his phone vibrated on the seat beside him, Tyler’s name flashing over the screen and he grinned.

Tyler: It’s 12:36am on a thursay, Josh. You’re insane.

The second the text flashed, he turned down the street that he knew was Tyler’s. He’d texted him his address when they had planned to watch a movie at his place before they’d changed and went to Josh’s instead.

Josh: Might be insane. But I’m also parked outside your house. Ditch with me tomorrow.

He pressed send on the text right as he switched into park, actually. But a little exaggeration never hurt anyone.

Tyler: Like I said, you’re insane.

Josh: You’ve never skipped before have you?

Tyler: Shut up.

Josh: Come on, one time?

Tyler: If I say yes will you stop begging?

Josh: I am not begging. But deal.

Tyler: Be out in ten.

 

It was only eight minutes before Tyler was out and slipping into the seat beside him. He looked tired, and Josh almost felt bad until he realized that he could have said no. “You.” Tyler eyed him for a moment, running his tongue over his teeth. “You are probably the most irresponsible person I’ve ever hung out with.” Josh crooked his eyebrow as he listened to him speak. “And I think tonight will tell me if I like it or not.” And that was exactly what he wanted to hear, so he drove off.

 

Ohio was a massive state. The humidity made it hot during the day and cold at night, but then there were rare nights like this where the weather was perfect. He hadn’t planned it out, but he was happy that things had turned out this way, that it wasn’t so cold that they would have had to stay inside the entire time.

“Well, we live about twenty minutes from the lake. So if anything I’ll take you there last. But the water is really, really cold at night. So it’s probably not a favorable place to go.” Josh was rambling, but Tyler was looking at him with his head tilted to the side and a tiny smile pressed over his lips. “But there is one place that I wanna show you.”

“Okay.” He heard Tyler say softly as he kept looking at him.

 

The building was nearly beyond recognition of what it had once been. Most of the windows had been broken out from winds or just nature in general. The walls were bare from any graffiti, and the only litter was one single beer can. He’d probably been the one that left it. “This is my favorite place to go. No one really knows about it, because it’s out here so far. So it’s pretty cool.” He shined his flashlight around, opting out of going inside for now. It was too dark, even outside with the moon illuminating the ground. Inside would be impossible to manuever around and even harder to actually see anything. “And there’s this river right behind it and a tree that has this swing that’s made just out of rope and a piece of wood.”

Tyler’s smile was wider now, and Josh was more than happy. He was smiling because of him, which seemed to happen a lot, but that particular smile made his stomach jump.

“Can we come back here when it’s light out?”

“Of course. It’s probably much better when it’s light out, actually.”

“Since we’re ditching tomorrow….” He trailed off with his voice gentle and unsure, but Josh knew what he was asking.

“Brilliant idea.”

It had started to rain before they’d made it halfway to the lake, so they went to eat instead. Eating out late at night was Josh’s favorite thing to do simply because it was always so abandoned, quiet, peaceful. And having someone to share it with made it even better.

“So, about what you said earlier.” Josh started when he noticed Ty staring out the window again.

“Hm?” He asked, turning his attention to him again.

“Do you like it?” It took him a second to register what he’d said, but as soon as he did he smiled.

“Definitely.”

They both sipped at their coffee and looked at pictures on their phones, telling stupid jokes and stories until the waitress said they needed to order more food or leave. He’d offered to buy Tyler something else so they could stay longer, but he’d rubbed at his eyes and yawned before declining and saying that he needed to get some sleep.

So they left, and Josh let Tyler look out the window in peace. He hadn’t noticed that he’d fallen asleep until he was at a stop light and glanced over at him. He looked peaceful when he slept, like he wasn’t anxious about anything. It made him happy, it made him feel like he was doing a good job of protecting him - even if he really hadn’t done anything. “Hey, Ty, wake up. We’re gonna be at your house in a couple minutes.” He pulled forward when the light turned green. The roads were completely empty besides his car.

“Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

He dropped Tyler off around four thirty that morning and watched him sneak inside, getting the goodnight, Joshy. Text from him before he drove off. He’d always hated that nickname, Joshy, but he wasn’t bothered by it when Tyler said it.

He was way too into this boy for his own good.

**

The building was more than fantastic in the daylight. Broken glass reflected sunlight, vines crept up the edge of the paint-abandoned concrete on the outside, and the steel was rusted just enough to make it almost appealing. “Wanna go inside?” Josh asked as he looked to Tyler who was standing with his mouth slightly open and his eyebrows raised.

“Definitely.”

When he walked inside, he had this strong urge to grab Tyler’s hand, to intertwine their fingers and just hold onto him. He wanted to keep him safe, and even if this was one of the safest places that he knew of, he still wanted to. For the time being, he bit back the urge, watching as Tyler looked around at the beams of sunlight pouring in through holes and cracks on the roof.

“What was this place?”

“A factory, I think.” Tyler went to the very edge of the building where there was moss growing on the ground and a few dandelions growing from a crack in the floor. Josh was still smiling (but then again, he had trouble not smiling when he was around the other) and watched as he bent down, picking one of the little yellow weeds. As if he was thinking, Tyler looked at Josh for a moment before taking the flower and tucking it behind his ear and smiling.

“Cute.” He said and giggled nervously, almost like he hadn’t meant to say it outloud. “Sorry, sorry I say what I think sometimes and I kinda – “

“Don’t be sorry.” Josh bent down, picking the second of the third dandelion and pushing it behind Tyler’s ear, too. “Cute.” He mimicked, grinning.

Josh had brought a bag with various foods in it partly because he was nervous Tyler would be picky, but also because he could eat an entire kitchen every day. So when the rain starting coming down softly, he figured it was a good time to eat. “Come here. There’s one last thing I wanna show you. We can probably eat up there, too. If you want.” He motioned towards a metal staircase that looked rusted beyond safety and walked to it. Tyler hesitated at the bottom, but Josh laughed and climbed five or six steps and jumped up and down on the stair to show that it was safe. With that, Tyler followed.

At the top of the stairs, there was an office that he assumed had belonged to the owner of the factory. “This is the only room that they didn’t clean out when this place was abandoned.” He pushed the door open, revealing a room with an unbroken window and a desk sitting in the corner. There was almost no dust, only because Josh had come up here one and couldn’t stop sneezing so he’d cleaned it up. This was his favorite room.

“Thank you for showing me this.” He heard Tyler say, and he figured that that was his best opportunity to string their fingers together. And Tyler smiled again, so he figured he’d done something right.

They sat down together, both on the ground with their backs against the wall next to the window. It was silent for a while before Josh got Tyler to talk again. He picked up their conversation where it had left off the night before of stories and jokes. Tyler had seemed comfortable enough talking about that.

***

"No way. He said what?" Tyler was laughing hard enough that tears pricked at the edge of his eyes as he picked out another chip from the bag open between them.

"Mhm, she was just like, "You're cute, we're dating now" and grabbed my hand and I said no, obviously, so she threw this hissy fit. And you know, I wasn't really in the mood to deal with that but she kept going. So when she's like, 'what's your problem?!' My friend piped in and goes, 'its not his problem. It's yours, you don't have a cock.'" He was laughing at the memory. "And that was how I came out."

They'd been telling either other stories for the last hour or so, eating at the snacks Josh brought and laughing until their sides hurt. This, he decided, was much better than sleeping in C wing.

"That's... oh my god. That's incredible." He wiped a tear away from his eyes before popping the chip into his mouth.

"Your turn."

"Mm, okay." He sucked his bottom lip between his teeth, which Josh had noticed he did whenever he was thinking, "One time, when I was in eighth grade, I was working at the hotel down the road, well, the only hotel in town actually, as a pool boy. And there was this dog that always came around. No collar, never had a person with it. So I fed it half my food at lunch every day and washed it with the hose when I was spraying the sidewalks. And it was a really dumb thing to realize but that was the first time I realized that you can love something without talking or forcing it. So I stopped forcing things. That's why I don't talk much."

Josh was really quiet after that, unsure of what to say. When Tyler said that he felt a weird surge of happiness and fondness. It was unfamiliar. He'd never had feelings for another person, but he could feel himself getting them for Tyler.

It was too fast and he already cared too much. That was dangerous.

But he knew he couldn't just not say anything so he put his hand over the top of Tyler's and drew circles with his pointer finger.

**

It was weird being able to sit there all day with Tyler and it not feel like any time had gone by at all. The time for them to have been out of school had long passed, which meant it was getting close to time for them to head home.

But the problem was, he didn't want Tyler to leave.

"You could tell your parents you're at mine again. Raging study party." He gave a slight laugh at that one.

"I'd love to, Josh, but my parents have always been really into doing this friday night dinner thing. They both work after church on sunday nights, so I guess it replaces that."

"Thats pretty cool. We'll have to save the rest of the tour-de-abandoned-factory for another time?" It was a subtle question, but he couldn't help but hope Tyler would agree. It was weird how he always wanted to spend time with him, but he really did. But it was just two friends hanging out, right? There wasn't anything wrong with that.

"What, so I can hear more of your horrible jokes and eat more of your food?" His eyes were crinkled at the sides as he smiled. "Sure."

And Josh couldn't help but smile, too.

**

The walk back to the car was much easier in the day light. Neither of them tripped over their own feet or got poked with weeds if they wondered of the trail. The night before had been illuminated with Josh's cell phone, and Tyler had nearly twisted his ankle in a hole in the ground. (Which had led to Josh being totally justified in having his hands around Tyler's waist to keep him falling and their hands intertwined together to keep them walking straight.)

The sun was nearly down by the time they pulled up in front of Tylers house. Like always, Tyler had been silent through the ride, staring out the window like he was thinking.

He'd been right, you could care for someone without even having to talk to them.

"You can come, if you want. My mom always makes like, five people worth of extra food." Tyler glanced over as he spoke, like as soon as the car stopped moving he regained the ability to speak. His thumb hovered over the red seatbelt button as if he was waiting for an answer before he was ready to make the commitment of getting out of the car.

"I'll come next time, yeah?" Josh wasn't entirely sure what made him decline, but he did. And he nearly regretted it the second the words were out of his mouth.

"I'll hold you to it." Josh couldn't help but notice the way Tyler's eyebrows had crinkled and the corners of his mouth turned down ever so slightly with his rejection, but he'd brightened up again barely a moment later. "See ya, Joshy." And then he was out of the car before Josh had a chance to say goodbye, but he waited until he was at the door and glanced back before walking inside.

Then he was gone.

 

 

The entire time that Josh was driving home, he regretted not going to dinner with Tyler. He should have, and why he’d declined didn’t even make sense. They’d spent the entire day together, and now Tyler was probably going to think that he didn’t want to spend anymore time with him. That wasn’t going to go over well.

But why had he even declined?

For a moment, he thought that it was because he was afraid of getting attached to Tyler. That seemed most reasonable, just because he didn’t much care for attachments or caring for people, but Tyler made his stomach flip and turn and made him feel things he had never felt before. It was odd, uncomfortable in a way. He’d known him for less than a month and he was already feeling strangely attached to him.

They were polar opposites, why would he be so interested in him? It just didn’t make sense, and he didn’t realize he was too deep into his thoughts until the car behind him was honking and the light was green instead of red. Tyler was taking over his thoughts way too much.

He wanted to run. But he wasn’t sure if he wanted to run towards Tyler, or away from him.

***

“So, how’s your little boyfriend?” His friend Andrew asked, leaning up against his locker. Josh rolled his eyes and shoved him away with a little laugh.

“He’s not my boyfriend, dude. He’s just my friend.”

“Yeah, everyone totally believes that.”

“Everyone? What?”

“Dude, you skipped school with this kid. I bet Michael five bucks one of you would come back with a hickey. Everyone was talking about it.” He laughed again and opened his own locker. “You should give me five bucks to pay him though. Because it’s so not like you to not get laid.”

“So, you’re saying I should not have sex _and_ lose five bucks?” Josh rolled his eyes and grabbed out a his science notebook before shutting the metal door and twisting the lock.

“It’s only fair.”

“Shut up.”

 

He left at that, laughing under his breath and turning down the hallway. His friends were the type to talk about everything, and it made him feel a little bad for Tyler. He’d seen the hesitancy in his eyes when he’d brought up why he was kicked out of his old school, and now everyone here was already talking about him being with another guy? Maybe he should talk to him, maybe not. Maybe he wouldn’t even hear anything about it. The only time upperclassman saw underclassman was in the main hallway during lunch hour, so it wasn’t likely he would hear anything.

He turned into his classroom and felt his phone buzz softly in his pocket. He pulled it out and saw a text from Michael. It was a picture of him holding five dollars and Andrew flipping him off. He laughed again and closed out the message. His friends were assholes sometimes, but he did enjoy their company.

Though his mind couldn't stop wondering to Tyler and hoping he was okay. He opened up his contact and started typing a “hey, ppl are talking but they r just being jerks. Sorry :/” before the white speech bubble from him popped onto the screen with  _We shouldn’t talk anymore._ and Josh felt like he’d been punched in the stomach.

 

It wasn’t even the kind of pain that he’d had before that came with breakups. He and Tyler hadn’t been dating, not in his mind at least, but God him saying that had made his heart fall down deep into the pit of his stomach. What had happened to make him say that? Had someone said something bad to him for them hanging out together? Were people messing with him or was he just too shy about his sexuality for it to be known? Of course he knew that he’d been kicked out of his previous school for being gay, but he hadn’t seemed upset about it when he’d said so. Josh was actually confused and it didn’t sit well in his stomach. He didn’t like being confused about relationships or friendships or liking people. Things like that were supposed to be easy!

So he just typed up a quick text, “Wait, Tyler wait no. Why? What’s wrong?” He held his phone in his hand that entire class period, waiting for it to buzz, waiting for something, anything, but nothing ever came. He told himself it was just because Tyler didn’t text in school, but he knew that that wasn’t the real reason.

The text still didn’t come at three pm, and Josh couldn’t help the sadness that continued to deepen in his stomach. He waited outside of his car to see if Tyler would come and get a ride home like he did sometimes, but he never came. After an hour, he’d finally settled into the drivers seat and given up on Tyler coming to see him. Before driving off, he checked his phone again. Nothing.

The rest of the night followed suit. Josh played a lot of video games and drank too many energy drinks to make up for the lack of sleep. The week went like that. Tyler never said a word to him, and he saw him in the halls with people, talking, laughing, smiling. Why was he so happy when Josh felt like he was crashing and burning? It wasn’t fair.

It was two weeks before Josh finally just went to Tyler’s house and knocked on the door. It was brash, maybe too bold, but he didn’t care. He was desperate for anything, and if this was going to get him what he needed, then he didn’t care. He just wanted to hear Tyler say something – even if that something was ‘goodbye’.

Tyler answered the door and just looked at him blankly. There wasn’t any emotion on his face. No sadness or hate or happiness and that made Josh feel… weird. He knew he shouldn’t have expected Tyler to run into his arms again just because he drove ten minutes to see him, but… he kind of did. He didn’t expect nothingness. “What do you want?” Or that.

“Tyler, listen-“

“Josh I said we can’t talk anymore. Why are you here?”

“I know. I know. Just – why? Did I do something wrong?”

“Yeah. You did. Now leave.”

“No, not until you tell me why.” He was being stubborn. It was obvious, then, and only for a moment, that Tyler was fighting back tears. He could see it in the way his jaw clenched and he blinked a lot more often than Josh would have thought necessary. “Please.” But then his mom walked up and stood beside Tyler, still smiling.

“Oh! Hello Josh, are you going to be joining us for dinner?” Oh shit. It was Friday. He pretended not to notice the way Tyler’s eyes shut for a few seconds.

“Um, thank you Mrs. Joseph, but I just wanted to say hi to Tyler. We’ve both been too busy to talk much.”

“Aw, that’s very sweet of you, Josh. Come in, come in, it’s cold.”

“Mom, I don’t think he wants to come in.” Josh was not good in awkward situations. He never had been. Normally, he could be sarcastic and joke his way out of them, or just ignore them completely until they didn’t bother him anymore. But this wasn’t a situation he could just joke out of.

“Nonsense, Tyler. You’re being rude tonight. Quit it.” Then she motioned for Josh to come in and he was kind of stuck, forced by unwritten rules of society to go inside.

Once the door was shut, he wasn’t sure what to do other than take his shoes off at the door (assuming that needed to be done since everyone else’s were there) and stuffing his hands in his pockets. Mrs.Joseph was back in the kitchen once he was inside and he was just left, standing there awkwardly with Tyler. This was not what he intended to happen.

“Your friends told pretty much everyone that we… had sex. And like, now people are calling me a whore. Did you tell them that? Why would you – why would you say something that isn’t true? Did you just want to have sex with me or something? Are you just mad that I wasn’t an easy fuck like you seem to get from everyone else?” Tyler finally cried, then. Two tears, one from each eye, fell down his face and he wiped them away quickly. “That’s why. I’m not gonna be your little sex toy. Get out of my house.”

“I didn’t tell anyone we had sex. I didn’t even tell my friends we hung out. They kind of put two and two together after figuring out we both ditched the same day. But I never said a single thing about sex or even anything about wanting that with you.” Whoever started the rumor was going to get their ass beat on Monday. That much he knew. “I’m gonna figure out who started that rumor and –“

“Wait, you didn’t tell anyone that?”

“No, Tyler. It’s not true, either. If I wanted to just have sex with you… I wouldn’t be here right now.” Tyler sucked his bottom lip between his teeth then, sighing softly and Josh could only focus on his heart. How fast it was beating, how scared he was of what Tyler’s next words were going to be.

“Hey mom, Josh is gonna be joining us for dinner afterall.” They both smiled.

***

Dinner wasn’t awkward or pushed or anything that he would have assumed it would have been. In fact, he couldn’t have been happier. Tyler hadn’t said much to him, and nothing more about whether or not they were going to be friends or not, but how close he was sitting to him at the table gave him that sense that everything was going to be okay. He just wished he would have known sooner that his friends had spread rumors – especially bad ones – about Tyler so he could have put an end to them. This entire thing could have been prevented, and with each second he couldn’t help the guilt that kept growing in his stomach.

Tyler’s brother kept shooting him dirty looks through most of dinner, though, and he had a feeling that he was the only person who knew what had happened between him and Tyler. It was a little awkward, but he just ignored it for the time being. That was something that he actually could ignore and not be faced with a dilemma. He’d done nothing wrong, and whatever his brother thought he did wrong was just false information.

“So, Josh, have you lived here long?” Tyler’s mother piped in after a few minutes of him not participating in the conversations she was having with Tyler and her husband.

“Oh, yes ma’am. I was born here.” He gave a smile after he’d answered, trying to keep up his polite appearance the best he could. It was hard for him to be around adults. He was much more of the type to mess around and crack bad jokes than the type to mind his manners and sit up straight. But he could handle it for one night.

“And you’re a junior, right?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“How did you and Tyler meet then?” Zack chimed in with a quirked eyebrow. He still had that accusing look on his face and it made Josh more than uncomfortable.

“Um, I actually was just talking to a teacher during lunch and he came in and we met and talked a little. Yanno.” He gave another smile. Being in the spotlight was not his favorite thing, but he could handle it. He could handle it. Tyler was staring out the window again, fork mindlessly twirling around the food on his plate while his mind was definitely not on dinner. He couldn’t help but wonder where he went when he drifted off like that, since he seemed to do it so often, and he gently kicked his foot. It snapped him out of it before he said, “Josh, wanna go play some video games or something?” And with a nod they both got up and went upstairs.

***

They actually left to play video games. It was surprising in Josh’s mind. He, again, wasn’t sure what he’d expected, but sitting upstairs on the floor of Tyler’s room and playing some racing game definitely wasn’t it. “Tyler?”

“Yeah?”

“Did you really think I would have spread rumors about you like that?” It was an honest question, and he glanced over at him (which made his car on the game drift into the barrier and catch fire, but he didn’t care). The way he ran his tongue over his lips before biting onto them gave him the answer he needed, even if it wasn’t the answer he wanted.

“Yeah. No. I don’t know. You just ran off that night that I asked you to join me for dinner, so I guess that just gave me that impression. And then at school… It just all added up to kind of suck. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” 

“Did you really come all the way down here just to figure out why I wouldn’t talk to you?” The way he said it seemed sad almost, like he didn’t believe him. Like he thought there had to be some kind of alternative motive for him coming down here. There wasn’t.

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. Because I like you. Because you’re really cool. Because I find you fun to be around whether it’s a ‘date’ or we’re just hanging out.” Because you’re the first person who’s made me feel real emotions in a long, long time. But he didn’t dare say that.

“Would it be totally not cool of me for ignoring you for two weeks and then asking you to kiss me?”

“A little uncool. But uncool is kinda my flow.” He laughed a little before pausing the game entirely and brushing his fingers over Tyler’s cheek. He had such soft skin, such pretty eyes, nice lips (even if they were obviously chewed up). Soft kissing wasn’t his thing. He always told himself that he was the meet-and-fuck type, but he couldn’t do that with Tyler. So the way he pressed his lips against his was so soft and gentle that he couldn’t help the way his hands stayed at his cheeks, holding him there because he never wanted it to stop.

***

It didn’t stop after that. They kissed a lot. Tyler started getting rides to school with him again and every morning their little kisses took place of hellos and they took place of goodbyes. It was nice, just an innocent little gesture that he wasn’t sure what to call, but the best things in life didn’t need labels.

That was the way he liked it. It was an odd thing to think that he didn’t care about the sex, because Tyler made him not even care about it. He just wanted him, whether that was holding hands when they walked to class or kissing before they got out of his class and departed ways until lunch came. Sex wasn’t a big deal.

***

Things were good between them after that. They didn’t fight, Tyler had talked Josh out of kicking the guy’s ass who started the rumor, and he’d stopped talking to the asshole who told everyone they’d had sex in the first place. They weren’t Josh and Tyler anymore. They were Josh-and-Tyler. Like, a thing. That was exactly how he liked it, and he couldn’t really even deny that having it any other way would never be able to make him as happy as he was then. Always happy. Whenever Tyler was with him, there was just this thing in his mind that managed to click and everything just seemed to fall into place.

Soul mates, or whatever, he guessed.

It was late one night and Josh was laying in bed, staring at the ceiling and waiting for sleep to come. He stayed awake thinking about things – namely tyler – a lot recently. His eyes finally started to shut and he smiled softly before he heard the ringtone he’d set for Tyler play from his phone sitting on his nightstand.

“Hey Josh,” Tyler said the moment Josh answered his phone, before he could even say hello. “I’ve been like, thinking, I guess. And I just wanted to tell you this before I can talk myself out of telling you but like, I really kind of love you? Like, a lot. And it’s probably stupid for me to say that because we’ve only been this – whatever, thing I guess – for like three months but I really, really do and I am sure I’m making a fool out of myself and I should probably hang up but I can’t stop thinking about it and I just really needed to get that off my chest.” By the end of it, Tyler sounded like he was out of breath and Josh was smiling again.

“I love you too, Tyler.” And then there was silence from the other end, but it was the good silence.

“Sleep with me?”

“Okay.” They’d done this before. It was simple. All they did was put their phones on speaker and set them next to their pillows because sleeping while being able to hear each other was the next-best thing to being able to hold each other.

Sometimes Tyler’s alarm would annoy him, since he got up so much earlier than Josh did, but other times his eyes would crack open and he’d hear the way Tyler yawned and crawled out of bed before giving a simple, “good morning.” And they’d both hang up and he’d salvage another hour of sleep.

***

The first time Josh really noticed how beautiful Tyler was was a Saturday while they were sitting in his car at a stop light. Tyler was staring out the side of the window, like always, but the reflections of the red car breaklights in front of them shined on his eyes and made them light up, and his lips were this perfect shade of pink and his skin was so soft and he wanted nothing more than to just touch him, all the time. Music was playing quietly through the speakers and Tyler’s fingers tapped on his knee to the beat so gently.

“Tyler?”

“Yeah?”

“What do you think about when you drift off like that?”

“You, mostly. At least recently anyway.” He said with a little laugh, and that was another thing that was beautiful. His laugh. It made Josh’s heart light up, and he wanted to live in that moment forever until the car behind him honked and he realized the light was green.

*** 

They’d finally gotten to go to the lake on a day that it was fairly warm out and it was a Saturday. No school the next day, no family dinner to worry about, it was just them and it was perfect. Tyler couldn’t swim very well and Josh couldn’t help but tease him for it (in the most gentle way).

They walked along the beach for a while after swimming, letting their bodies dry off in the warm air while the sand stuck to their wet feet. Josh moved his hand to hold Ty’s, and everything was perfect in that moment. They didn’t need to talk.

“I kind of love you.” Tyler said after a long while of silence.

“I kind of love you too.” Josh said with a smile before Tyler punched him softly in the arm and kissed him again.

***

It was Thursday, the very last Thursday before they were going to get three months off for summer vacation no less, and Josh opened his locker to find a little piece of paper. “Read Me” was scribbled on the front and Josh laughed, rolling his eyes ever so slightly before flipping it open and looking to the inside.

Josh –

I went to your little building again the other night and set a few things up. Let’s go tonight.

 

 

When Josh picked Tyler up that night, he was reminded that this Thursday just so happened to be their fifth month of being ‘whatevers’ which is what they called it because they had been kinda-boyfriends before they were real-boyfriends and it just kinda worked. Five months and Tyler had planned something, and it made Josh’s heart flip and flop for the entirety of the drive.

Tyler hadn’t been staring out the window this time on the drive to their building. He’d spent a lot of it singing along to a few of the songs that came on the radio and the rest of it actually talking. It was such a new thing and it made Josh beyond happy. It was like Tyler could change for a special occasion (and maybe it was stupid for him to think of five months as being special, but it was to him) and be really… happy. His happiness radiated off of him and he wanted it all the time.

When he pulled up to the building, they both had flashlights ready and walked inside without there being much of a difference. Tyler had said he’d set things up, but it didn’t look like it. But josh wasn’t going to question him just yet. The way Tyler took his hand in his made it feel like he really did have plans, and then he was being led up to the top of the stairs, into his favorite little room. “Close your eyes.” He said before opening the door. Josh complied, keeping them shut and following Tyler inside, still holding his hand. “Okay, give me like ten seconds and then open them.”

There was shuffling, quiet shuffling around and then a click sound and he could see some kind of light behind his eyelids. It was dim, but just enough that he could barely see the outline of it. His heart was pounding with the excitement. “Okay, okay open them.”

That was not what he expected. The light had been a tiny, dull little lamp that had a shade over it that made the light come out in the shapes of stars. On the ceiling there were those plastic stars that charge from the light and glow in the dark dimly lit. There had been blinds put up in the window along with curtains. A little glass cup had been filled half way up with water and there were about a dozen dandelions sitting inside of it. It smelled like them, instead of dust. There were blankets and pillows on the floor and he was smiling wider than he had in… a long time. “Tyler… you did all of this?” That was the only thing he could even think of to say.

“Yeah, yeah. Is that okay?”

“I love it. It’s perfect.” Tyler moved to sit down on the makeshift-blanket-bed and he joined him, sitting side by side in their wordless comfort. It was nice that they could do that, just stay silent and still be comfortable with each other. Sometimes silence spoke louder than words.

And then Tyler was kissing him again, but it wasn’t like the softer kisses they’d shared in the past. He knew the difference between a sex kiss and a romance kiss, and this was definitely the previous. “Tyler?” He asked, pulling back a moment, breathless.

“Make love to me.”

That was all he needed. He kissed him again, hands on his face just like he did with the soft kisses, but he let this one be rougher. Harder. Everything he had was in this kiss and it was beyond what he could have imagined.

Tyler slowly lowered himself onto his back and Josh was on top of him, one arm holding himself up and the other hand finding its way to Tyler’s, intertwining their fingers. Their lips fit together perfectly, and it felt like Tyler hadn’t been biting them as much anymore. That made Josh happy. It meant his anxiety wasn’t as bad.

His hands were at Tyler’s shirt a moment later, just pulling it up and off, setting it beside them and kissing at the nape of his neck. No biting, he didn’t need that. He just needed Tyler, needed to be close to him. His hand moved away from Tyler’s, then, letting it run softly down his body, “You are so beautiful, Tyler. So beautiful.”

“Ahh, you’re not too bad yourself, Joshy.”

Then his shirt was gone, and Tyler’s jeans, then Josh’s, then everything else and they were closer than they’d ever been. With each movement, Josh was terrified he’d hurt Tyler, but he never said he did. He let it go slow, drew the kisses out, drew the touches out, drew the way he ran circles over his palm while he kissed around his belly button out. Nothing needed to be rushed, and nothing was.

They slept like that, limbs intertwined, Tyler’s head resting on Josh’s chest while Josh kept an arm around him. He could feel the way his breaths were slow and even, the way he slept was peaceful and his face looked calm. Hearing Ty sleep was nothing like holding him while he did.

 

They were both still naked when the alarm on Josh’s phone went off the next morning. His arms were around him tightly and he thought, then, that he never wanted to let go. They could stay like this forever and Josh would never have it in him to be able to complain.

Tyler shifted ever so slightly in his sleep and he could see the pale of his skin under the dim glow of the candles that they’d never put out. His hair was tossled in that way that only short hair ever could be, his lips still red from when Josh had pulled on them with his teeth the night before.

It was the black of his hair and the red of his lips that so perfectly lit up under the pale lighting that made him smile as wide as he did then. He planted a little kiss on Tyler’s jaw, whispering a soft, “Hey, wake up.” And watching as his eyebrows furrowed before his eyes opened. Josh had never thought he would find a kind of comfort in brown eyes, because he never thought that they were really  _beautiful_ before. But Tyler’s eyes were like the most beautiful brown he could imagine, like chocolate and warmth and just  _beautiful._ “It’s 5 am and it’s absurd to be awake but I just really wanted to tell you that I’m in love with you.”

Tyler smiled at that and it made Josh’s heart flutter, but then he crawled on top of him and rested his head on his chest and kissed his cheek once. “I’m in love with you, too.” And then he was asleep again, but Josh had never been happier.

 

Josh woke up again later and Tyler was still on top of him, but this time he was awake and his phone was in his hand. He looked like he was playing a game and he couldn’t help but laugh. “Oh, I didn’t wanna move. You’re warm. Sorry.” He climbed off as soon as he said that and laid beside him on his back. It was an awkward kind of romantic to think that Josh wouldn’t mind lying there like that with him for so, so much longer.

“Have you seen my phone?” Tyler asked after a minute.

“Isn’t it… In your hand?”

“No, that’s yours. Sorry. I got bored.”

“Um, no I haven’t. When was the last time that you saw it?”

“Some time last night.”

“Okay. Let’s get dressed and look for it, yeah?” He nodded and then they were both up, finding their clothes from last night and tossing them on before heading out and searching every inch of the place for Tyler’s phone. They never found it, but Tyler didn’t seem to care too much.

“Wanna go swimming?” He asked after they’d given up and settled for sitting on the swings in the forest behind their building.

“We didn’t bring swimsuits or anything.”

“Annnd?” Josh couldn’t help but smile at that, laughing a little as well.

“Are you sure you’re the Tyler I met eight months ago? The boy that wouldn’t even text me back during school? Because this Tyler that offers to go skinny dipping is not that same Tyler.”

“I think this one’s cooler.”

 

So they didn’t go to the lake, but they settled for the river. It was too early for anyone else to be out here swimming, but too late for the fishers to be out trying to catch something, so they were all alone. He watched as Tyler took his shirt off, watched the way the muscles in his back flexed and the way he was smiling as he stripped off his pants and his boxers and folded everything up before running into the water and screeching at the cold.

Josh followed suit very shortly after, grinning widely and (just because Tyler did) folding his clothes up. They were both in the water and Josh smiled, going to Tyler and kissing him once before swimming away.

The current was slow, almost like the river was still, and he loved swimming here. The water was clean, the trees blocked the view from the road, it was beautiful here, especially since the sun was just peeking over the trees. It was probably just about ten am now and the forever thing with Tyler was looking all the more better with each second.

 

 

Tyler slept most of the drive back, until he turned a little too sharply and he stirred and woke up. “Sorry.” Josh said, giving him a little smile.

“No, no. I’m sorry. I always fall asleep in cars. Not sure why.”

“I don’t mind. You’re kinda cute when you sleep.”

“I’m kinda cute all the time.”

“Yes you are.” He was smiling again until he was turning into the neighborhood that Tyler’s house was on and three cop cars drove past them all together. He furrowed his eyebrows and shrugged it off, though, continuing to drive until he realized that they were headed to join the group of two more parked in front of Tyler’s house.

 

Tyler’s expression matched his own. Worry, panic, fear. Had someone been hurt? His heart felt heavy and suddenly he was afraid. He parked in front of the house and Tyler sprang out, running inside without even a goodbye.

Josh sat there for a long while, unsure exactly of what there was to do. And then his dad was storming out and got in the passenger’s seat of his car, putting his seat belt on and giving the one word command of, “Drive.”

Josh’s heart was in his chest as he shifted into gear and pulled forward, lip between his teeth and heart beating out of his chest.

“Listen. Tyler explained that he invited you out last night, and it was on him for not calling us. But… he has a history of suicide attempts, okay? And we thought he was dead. Once the twenty four hour mark was up, we were nearly certain he was gone. Called him a dozen times and. It was terrifying, Josh. He’s impulsive and I think you’re enabling him to do that. Whatever it is between you two, if you’re boyfriends or just friends or whatever it is that you two are… I think it needs to stop.”

Josh was silent, then, pulling to the side of the road as tears threatened to fill his eyes. He couldn’t get in a car crash after that news had been laid out. That would just be asking to look guilty of murder. So he pulled off to the side and squeezed the steering wheel, eyes still forward. “With the most respect, sir, I don’t think I could leave your son alone even if I wanted to.” He glanced over to him, then. “I am sorry that I didn’t think to call you last night. He had my phone in his hand this morning and I just – assumed you all knew. I know now in the future that I need to make sure you and your wife know that Tyler is okay, but please don’t make this one mistake ruin what we have.”

It was silent again and Josh let it stay silent for a long time before he just pulled out of where he was parked. He’d given up on getting an answer from Tyler’s dad and his heart hurt even worse now than he ever thought could have even been possible.

“I’m sorry, Josh. You’re just reckless and not a good influence on Tyler.” Mr. Joseph finally spoke up after a long while when he was at a stop sign.

“I love your son, Sir. And he said he loves me, too. And that’s a really, really scary thing for me because you are probably right. I was a bad influence on him at first. But now… I don’t want to do anything except protect him and make sure he’s okay all the time. If you think that my leaving him alone will do that, then I guess I will.” And it stayed silent the rest of the way to Tyler’s house after that.

 

Josh went home after Mr. Joseph had gotten out of the car and went to his room and just laid down. His entire body hurt, almost like the pain in his heart and his chest just blossomed until his entire body felt it. He felt sick. He was angry and sad and tired. The first thing he did then was grab his pillow and hold it over his face while he screamed. That was the only thing that he could do. His body felt heavy and just the way his emotions came out in that single scream was better.

The footsteps on the wood of the hallway made his body feel wrong again. “Josh, are you alright?” his mom asked, opening the door and standing there.

“No.” That was all it took before she was over at the edge of the bed sitting there with him and he was crying again. She grabbed his hand and squeezed it softly, waiting for Josh to tell her why. She never asked, just waited until whoever was sad was ready to tell and eventually said what was wrong. “Tyler’s dad said I’m not allowed to be around him anymore. Because I’m a bad influence.” He sat up wiping at his tears with his shirt. “Because last night he invited me out and we went, and he didn’t tell either of his parents and when he got back they blamed me and said that I was the one who was ‘influencing his recklessness’ and I just want whats best for him but I love him so much and I need him.” He felt like a mess and probably looked like one too but he had no idea what to do to make himself feel better and could only hope that his mom did.

“Tyler is a very sweet boy, Josh. And I love that you spent time with him, but if his parents are saying you can’t see him then… well you just kind of have to listen to them. Maybe if you just listen to them and don’t go around him for a while, they’ll see that you aren’t a bad influence and can listen and let you see him again.” She was right. As much as it hurt him to think he wouldn’t be able to see Tyler again for a while, she was right.

 

 

As soon as Tyler had seen the cop cars, he knew something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong and he had no idea what, so all he could think to do was run inside. His mother was on the couch, crying, and his father was speaking to one of the police officers. “Mom, dad?” He asked and seven heads popped up to look at him. “What’s going on?”

“Tyler!” His mother said, jumping up and holding on to him. “Where have you been? Oh my god. We were so worried. Why didn’t you call?” Oh god. He’d forgotten to call.

“I was just… out with Josh. I invited him out and I forgot to call you guys. I’m really sorry.”

“No, Tyler. Sorry isn’t just acceptable here. With your past we –“ he stopped himself there, but he didn’t have to say it. Tyler knew exactly what they’d been thinking. They thought he ran off and killed himself. “I don’t want you hanging around Josh anymore, do you understand me?”

Those were the words he’d feared most. His knees felt like they were going to buckle beneath him and he felt like he was going to throw up. “Tyler, can we ask you a few questions?” One of the police officers asked.

“I – I guess. What do you need to ask?”

“Were you with your friend, Josh, willingly?”

“What?! Of course. What are you saying? Mom – did you think Josh  _kidnapped me?”_

“Tyler, calm down.” His mother said. He hadn’t realized he was yelling.

“No! No. You’re telling me I can’t be around the only person that makes me really feel happy and accepted here in this shitty town  _you_ moved us to and now you’re telling me that you think he’s such a bad person that he would kidnap me?” Then the tears came. His chest hurt. He couldn’t breathe. His dad walked out the door and he didn’t think it was necessary to stop him. He was probably just going to get some air. “Why would you think something like that?”

“We just needed to rule it out, Tyler. Where did you two stay last night? We spoke to Mr. Dun’s mother and she said neither of you were at her house.”

“We were out. That’s all that matters.”

“Tyler!” His mother said and he just cried harder.

“I’m not speaking to you or dad again until you decide to apologize to both me  _and_ Josh.” And then he was up in his room.

His outbursts were really rare, but sometimes he just couldn’t stop them. There were days like today where he could be having the best of times and then something would just – change – and he would be screaming or crying, or in this case both. But he was stubborn enough that he would stand true to his word. He was not going to speak to his mother or his father, or anyone for that matter, until Josh was allowed back in his life.

 

Josh didn’t go to school that Monday, but Tyler didn’t either. Josh knew that if he went, he would need to say something to Tyler – to apologize, to say goodbye, anything – so he just couldn’t. Tyler held strong on his speech strike and pretended not to hear his mom waking him up until she just gave up and walked away. Since he’d lost his phone, there was no way for him to contact Josh and that hurt, too.

 

Josh showed up to school Thursday, but there was no sign of Tyler. He asked around to see if he’d been at school at all during the week and the answer only made him worry. His father had said something about Tyler having tried to kill himself before, but he wouldn’t be stupid enough to do it over something like this, would he? He needed to call, to find out, to do something to make sure he was okay, but he just didn’t know what to do. If he called, he would probably just irritate Tyler’s dad further and never be allowed to see him again. If he didn’t call, he would be stuck with that petrifying worry that he wasn’t okay.

That was all that was on his mind all day. He didn’t remember a single thing a teacher had said in a single class all day. Driving home was even hard to pay attention to, so he just pulled into a gas station to get a coffee and some gas. Sipping at his coffee, he leaned on his car as it filled up, watching the price and the number of gallons tick up so quickly he couldn’t even name the numbers in his head before they were gone. Most of the motions of the day just made him feel numb. He was too worried to be able to feel anything except the worry. So when he looked up, he was a little shocked to feel the happiness that came with seeing Zack.

He was staring at him, and Josh hung up the pump before walking over to him. “Listen. I know your dad said to stay away from Tyler, and I’m sure that meant the entirety of your family, too, but is he okay? He hasn’t… been at school and I just. I need to know he’s okay and then I’ll be out of his life if that’s what needs to be done.” Zack sighed and Josh wasn’t entirely sure how to feel about that.

“No. He’s not okay. He had like, a breakdown, after my dad said he wasn’t allowed to see you. Hasn’t left his room unless everyone was asleep since. But if you mean is he alive, yes, he is.” That was a relief. Josh nodded and looked to the ground with a sigh that sounded like Zack’s had, and he figured out that it was a sad sigh.

“Thanks. That’s what I care about.” And then he turned around and went to get in his car, but a hand on his shoulder stopped him.

“I’m gonna talk to my dad and see if he’ll let you see him again. I kind of thought you were an asshole at first, but now… I don’t know. My room is right next to Ty’s and I just hear him crying every night and I know that he really loved you, so I need to fix this. You care about him, I can see that, too. And I’m gonna try as hard as I can to talk some sense into my dad but I can’t promise anything. Just, keep staying away until I figure out how to talk some sense into him.”

“Thank you, Zack.” There was an opportunity, and he was going to make the best out of it that he could.

Tyler still didn’t come to school Friday. But at least he knew everything was okay. He went around to all of his teachers and got all of the work he’d missed and asked one of his friends to take it by his place under the muse that she was in his classes. He didn’t know what else to do, and it just seemed like something Tyler needed.

Saturday, Josh spent in bed.

Sunday, Josh spent in bed.

His mom was starting to mention depression, but he didn’t think he was depressed. Just sad. Maybe lonely.

His phone rang from an unknown number on Sunday night and he pressed his thumb on decline, but couldn’t slide it over, so he just pressed accept.

“Hello?”

“Josh. It’s Tyler’s dad.” He was quiet, unsure of exactly what there was to say. It had been a week since he’d been told to leave his son alone and a week since he’d even seen Tyler. It was wearing on him, so he was certain now that if he didn’t hear the words, ‘Come see Tyler’ or ‘You can see Tyler again’, he was going to cry. “Tyler has… not been himself since you haven’t been around. I can see now that I was wrong. You weren’t enabling his recklessness, you were enabling his happiness. I’d like for you to come see him… whenever you can. He wont speak to me or anyone else… and I’m just hoping he’ll speak to you.”

“Of course sir. When is a good time?”

“As soon as you can. I miss my son.”

 

It was seven pm and his mother was most likely downstairs watching How To Get Away With Murder, but he was going to leave no matter what she had to say about it. He had to see Tyler. So he grabbed his keys and walked downstairs, waiting for her to say something.

“Say hello to him for me.” Was the only thing he got and he remembered then how much he really, really loved his mother.

 

Driving the speed limit was actually painful. But he listened to them, knowing a ticket would only keep him from Tyler longer. Going thirty in residential made him squeeze the steering wheel tight enough that his knuckles turned white, but he made it. That was all that mattered.

He parked in front of Tyler’s house and knocked on the door, watching as it opened on the second knock. It was Tyler’s mom, who had obviously been crying. “Hi Mrs. Joseph – um, your husband asked me to stop by.”

“I know. Come in.” She stepped aside and closed the door behind him once he’d walked in. “He’s in his room. Please just, try and talk to him.” He nodded and walked to the stairs, making his way up and into Tyler’s room.

He was laying there, facing the wall and had his blankets over him with his headphones in. They weren’t playing any music, Josh knew that much. He’d told him the white ones were broken and he only wore them when he wanted people to think he wasn’t listening so he could eavesdrop on what the people around him were saying. That meant he’d been listening to everything his parents had said. But he didn’t know what to say. He really did look so, so sad. So he just moved to sit on the side of his bed before taking his hand and squeezing it softly.

Tyler sat up quickly and looked like he didn’t believe he was there. “Josh. Josh, oh my god.” And then he was hugging him and he wasn’t entirely sure if he should cry or smile. “How are you here? I thought you were banned from seeing me?”

“Your dad called and said he wanted me to see you.”

Tyler didn’t respond and just pulled Josh down to lay down with him. He stayed like that for a long while before Tyler was crying and he was just petting his hair. “I’m so sorry. This was all my fault. If I just wouldn’t have been so stupid and forgotten to call and then lost my stupid phone –“ But Josh put a finger to his lips to quiet him.

“Don’t ever say you’re stupid, Tyler. I love you more than anything and everything is okay now and it’s going to be from now on, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

 


End file.
